You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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