3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize