I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
