Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
