Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
