i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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