She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
