4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
