My balls are so social today.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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