Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
