Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
