I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
did i just pee glitter
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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