Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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