Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
