Betty ford says i'm here all night
my phone needs a breathalizer
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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