i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im six kinds of drunk right now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you never un-have a 4some
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
