I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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