i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
