I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have feelings that need drinking.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
