I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
