Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
