There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
