Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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