I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
