He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
