I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
