He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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