Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
