My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
