Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
