we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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