My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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