i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
