I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize