why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
