hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize