In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
