I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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