Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
