sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
