dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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