there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
