You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
