atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
