I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
