90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
