Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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