Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
