Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
