cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
