You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize