Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
