That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
