it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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