There was a lot of him and a little penis
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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