After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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