I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
