Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize