I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
