I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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