Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
