It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
