never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
