I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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