My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
