I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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