I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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