I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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