So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize