I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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