your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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