He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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